feeling bad...

slm everybody..

which one is correct...feeling bad or bad feeling? huhu.. no matter which one is, what i know right now my feeling is not ok. few things happened recently make my life messy and fussy. feel like i need to find myself back.. put it back on track.

i remember one day after my resignation, i have said " i'm finding myself".. my meaning is that i want to muhasabah myself after a long2 time have ignore it. my plan is maybe to do S.W.O.T and be like I were 10 years ago.

but, suddenly something happen.. i dont know, lots of memories for these few years have been erased. when my hubby's labtop has been stolen and also our lovely digital camera, i found out lots of pictures have gone with them. i do have backup but not all of them. feel regret? yes, of course! latest photos captured especially the one from the camera dont have backup. luckily i already uploaded some of them in the facebook. but, still my heart feel unhappy. my hubby's photos all gone..my photos with Spirit Aerosystems.. with MPC.. irdina's one month progress photos n videos..all songs.. when thinking of them all, feel very sad. those memories can't be retrieved back!

and, at the same time, my phone got problem. suddenly the keypad problem.. even i still can use n type, but it always hang so that i need to restart to continue my business. after few times trying, i realize that i need to type message very slowly to avoid from stuck again. letter by letter, but if it is not my luck, it stuck also! sabar jela.. in the trauma condition like this, phone is very important, especially when my hubby's not around..and anything happen, i need the phone. i cannot wait n proceed to repair it. the repairer said, it's software problem. ok, let them settle..after 30 minutes, i came back to the shop and see, my phone has changed. they already reset my phone and guess what? all phone numbers, messages, calendars, notes have gone! sadly when i test the phone, the problem is still there..not settled. very sad..they said maybe i need to change the hardware and it may take 1 day of service. maybe next time...so come back home sadly, and my heart feels very bad. luckily i already wrote down all telephone numbers and notes in my book, but it's difficult also to set them again , since i need to type using keypad. when i tried it, it keep on stuck and stuck again. as for messages, i don't know..lots of messages i kept there..all bring their own memories, but now the inbox and myfolders are empty. thus, my heart also feel empty, just like the inbox..huh..

so now, what should i do? i need to rearrange all remaining photos...the backup from my pendrive, latest from my phone and also the one i uploaded in fb. but, after 1 week, i do nothing. my mind and heart stuck like my phone..still don't have spirit and heart to do it. the labtop and phone just like a new one - no identity. i need to put identity to both of them again..so that i can feel the sense of belonging, that the phone is mine, and the labtop is mine. do i need to find myself again?

after all, this is just what my heart feel rite now..just sharing here, hope it will get some sort of 'spirit' to live...again...